Z is for Zen GPS and Zen Judaism

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(with thanks to Dave Coverly and his Speed Bump cartoons)

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Denise Nesbitt's ABC Wednesday has again reached the end of the alphabet.

Here we are, at Z .
With all the sad things happening -- Australia's flood, Arizona's shootings, mortars flying over the Gaza Strip fence into Israel -- I need something funny for just one good laugh.

You too?

Try this:

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The Tao of Zen Judaism

from the book EVE by Aurelio O'Brien http://www.evethenovel.com/

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

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Take only what is given.

Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl.

Unless, of course, you have the closet space.

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There is no escaping karma.

In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote,

You never visited.

And whose fault was that?

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Let your mind be as a floating cloud.

Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.

And sit up straight.

You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.

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Wherever you go, there you are.

Your luggage is another story.

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To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle

Maintenance, do the following:

Get rid of the motorcycle.

What were you thinking?

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Learn of the pine from the pine.

Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo.

Learn of the kugel from the kugel.

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Be aware of your body.

Be aware of your perceptions.

Keep in mind that not every physical sensation

Is a symptom of a terminal illness.

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Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Forget these simple things and attaining Enlightenment

Will be the least of your problems.

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The Tao has no expectations.

The Tao demands nothing of others.

The Tao does not speak.

The Tao does not blame.

The Tao does not take sides.

The Tao is not Jewish.

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Drink tea and nourish life.

With the first sip, joy.

With the second, satisfaction.

With the third, Danish.

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The Buddha taught that one should practice loving-kindness

To all sentient beings.

Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being

Who happens to be Jewish?

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To Find the Buddha, look within.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.

Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.

Each blossom has ten thousand petals.

You might want to see a specialist.

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Be here now.

Be someplace else later.

Is that so complicated?

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Zen is not easy.

It takes effort to attain nothingness.

And then what do you have? Bupkis.

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