Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Z is for Zen GPS and Zen Judaism

(with thanks to Dave Coverly and his Speed Bump cartoons)
Denise Nesbitt's ABC Wednesday has again reached the end of the alphabet.
Here we are, at Z .
With all the sad things happening -- Australia's flood, Arizona's shootings, mortars flying over the Gaza Strip fence into Israel -- I need something funny for just one good laugh.
You too?
Try this:
The Tao of Zen Judaism
from the book EVE by Aurelio O'Brien http://www.evethenovel.com/

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Take only what is given.
Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl.
Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote,
You never visited.
And whose fault was that?
Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.
To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle
Maintenance, do the following:
Get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?
Learn of the pine from the pine.
Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo.
Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
Is a symptom of a terminal illness.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget these simple things and attaining Enlightenment
Will be the least of your problems.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao is not Jewish.
Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip, joy.
With the second, satisfaction.
With the third, Danish.
The Buddha taught that one should practice loving-kindness
To all sentient beings.
Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being
Who happens to be Jewish?
To Find the Buddha, look within.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.
Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?
Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have? Bupkis.


Francisca said...

Thanks for this laugh, Dina. I agree, we can't only focus on the tragedies. My version of "Wherever you go..." is: I am never lost; I am always here. Great fun!

Rob and Mandy said...

Lovely, love the final and so Jewish bupkis!

mrsnesbitt said...

So very much on the same wave length as mine this week - you will find it amusing I think!
Thanks so much for contributing - you are so right, we all need a break from the harsh reality of life at times.

ABC Team

richies said...

Made me smile. We call our GPS Lady Samantha and frequently talk back to her

An Arkies Musings

Liz said...

Wonderful! I could hear Woman saying it.

Roger Owen Green said...

I love the word bupkis

ROG, ABC Wednesday team

VP said...

I am definitely a no-Zen person, but this was very funny!

Jew Wishes said...

I have this book on my TBR stack.

Thanks for the laugh...

Leslie: said...

Oh Dina! This is just TOO good! I really needed a few laughs today and I thank you for that. See you in Round 8, I hope! :D

Wanda said...

I did a similar thing with some comic strips...Needed a smile in the midst of all the tragedy.

Ann said...

Hilarious but what are kugel and bupkis?

Anonymous said...

Oh how much in need this is. Can't find me favourite though; the cartoon image in incredible.

Thank you for sharing Happiness. Please have a good Wednesday.

daily athens

Kay said...

Oh too too funny, Dina. I love this! That Zen GPS is so me. I must show this to Art.

Kay L. Davies said...

Fabulous, Dina. I have to send my Jewish husband a link to this post. (His computer lives in a different room from my computer - they're happier that way.)
I needed a good laugh 'long about now. I've been dwelling on the disaster in Australia. There is nothing Zen about dwelling on disaster, but many sentient beings are being lost.
Thanks for making me laugh out loud.
-- K

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

Cloudia said...

Humor is G*Ds gift to the Jewish People!

Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral



Greensboro Daily Photo said...

Zen jokes from Jerusalem. What a great way to start the day. Let's see where Zen and the GPS take me today. Will they or won't they direct me to work???

Still laughing,

Greensboro, NC

Birdman said...


Robin said...

Fun post, and yes, it's important to find the smiles even during the hard times.

My photography is available for purchase - visit Around the Island Photography and bring home something beautiful today!

helenmac said...

This was not bupkis. Thanks for the laughter that was so needed!
HelenMac, ABC team

Dina said...

Shalom all, glad we could share a laugh together.
I'm glad this got my Buddhist friend Kay's approval too.

Ann, kugel is a delicious noodle casserole, either sweet or savory.
Bupkis is Yiddish for absolutely nothing.

Archaeogoddess said...


Jedediah said...

The last one is my favourite!
My grandmother would have loved those, she had a great liking for Jewish humor. I wish I could share with her.